>Walk into the gym. >PR bench: 3plate. >Drink protein shake. >Put on fourth plate. >Lay down. >Whole gym is now looking at me. >Hands on bar. Push. To heavy. >One guy starts chanting. >Deshi Basara >Still to heavy. >Three other guys follow. >Deshi Basara >Deshi Basara >Suddenly, everyone in the gym. >Deshi Basara >Deshi Basara >Deshi Basara >Deshi Basara >Deshi Basara >Push. The bar rises. >Push harder. >I'm doing it. >Bar falls. >Breaks my spine. >Old british guy comes crying, shouting how he failed me.
>Bane: Deadlifts and Squats are powerful agents to the uninitiated... but we are initiated, aren't we Bruce? Members of /fit/! [Lifts Batman by the neck] >Bane: And you curled! Bruce Wayne: You were excommunicated... by trainers of Planet Fitness! >Bane: [viciously beats Batman and throws him to the ground] I AM /fit/, and I'm here to fulfill Mark's al Ripptoe's destiny! [Batman uses roids to keep Scooby away] >Bane: Youlift like a younger man, with nothing held back. Admirable but bad form. >Bane: Oh, you think lifting is your ally. You merely adopted lifting; I was born in it, moulded by it. I didn't see roids until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but CHEATING! [grabs Batman from the shadows and continues to beat him] >Bane: The deadlifts betray you, they belong to me! [repeatedly punches Batman in the face, sending him to snap city] >Bane: I will show you where I have made my home while preparing to bring justice. Then I will break you. [Hits detonator, blowing a hole into the bottom of Whey Enterprise] >Bane: Your precious stash, gratefully accepted! We will need it. [Batman desperately stands and swings at Bane] >Bane: Ah, yes... I was wondering what would break first... [lifts Batman high] >Bane: Your bulk, or your cut? [slams him on his knee]
Bane: [Listening to Call Me Maybe before the hitting the gym] What a lovely, lovely voice. [Song ends and Bane starts lifting] Bane: Let the gains begin! [hits detonator and bombs go off across Planet Fitness franchise.]
>>14111839 Let me tell you the truth about Zyzz from the words of Mark Ripptoe himself. 'Ripptoe didn't murder my gains, he saved them and then took the blame for Zyzz's appalling crimes so that I could, to my shame, build a lie around this fallen idol. I praised the mad man who tried to murder my own gains but I can no longer live with my lie. It is time to trust the people of /fit/ with the truth and it is time for me to resign.' And do you accept this man's resignation? Do you accept the resignation of all these liars? Of all the corrupt?
Gaine: Tell these people who you are. Dr. Scoob: I am Dr Scooby, a muscle scientist. Gaine: What have you done to this device? Dr. Scoob: I've turned it into a working vertical skateboard. Gaine: Who among the people on this board can work with this device? Dr. Scoob: Only me. Gaine: Only you... [breaks his neck]
>Bruce Wayne: I do fear death. I fear dying in here while my gains burns. Blind Prisoner: Then make the lift. >Bruce Wayne: How? Blind Prisoner: As the child did. Without the spotter. Then fear will find you again.
>>14112096 >OP here. Hey faggot, this is OP. I can't come to the phone right now, as I'm busy altering quotes from Batman and posting them here, while other people do te same thing. Leave your butthurt after the beel, and I'll sage you back! BEEEP
Gordon: No barbells, no dietary recommendations, what kind of fitness program is this? Crane: Your workout has been determined. This is merely a sentencing hearing. Now what will it be: death, or P90X? Gordon: If you think we're blowing out our knees willingly, you have another thing coming. Crane: Death...death. Gordon: Looks that way. Crane: Very well. DEATH...by P90X.
>Bruce Wayne: Why didn't you just... kill me? >Bane: You don't fear death... You welcome it. Your punishment must be more severe. >Bruce Wayne: Torture? >Bane: Yes. But not of your body... Of your soul. >Bruce Wayne: Where am I? >Bane: Home, where I learned the truth about despair, as will you. There's a reason why Gold's Gym is the worst hell on earth... Hope. Every man who has ventured here over the centuries has looked up to the poster of Arnold and imagined becoming just as big and aesthetic as him. So easy... So simple... And like shipwrecked men turning to sea water from uncontrollable thirst, many have died trying. I learned here that there can be no true despair without hope. So, as I terrorize /fit/, I will feed its people hope to poison their souls. I will let them believe they can acquire aesthetics so that you can watch them clamoring over each other to "stay in the sun." You can watch me torture an entire city and when you have truly understood the depth of your failure, we will fulfill Mark al Ripptoe's destiny... We will permabulk /fit/ and then, when it is done and /fit/ is fat, then you have my permission to die.
>Bruce Wayne: Why didn't you just... kill me? Bane: You don't fear death... You welcome it. Your punishment must be more severe. >Bruce Wayne: Rustling? Bane: Yes. But not of you body... Of your jimmies. >Bruce Wayne: Where am I? Bane: Home, where I learned the truth about Jimmie Rustling, as will you. There's a reason why this gym is the worst hell on earth... Lunk Alarms. Every man who has ventured here over the centuries has looked up to the light and imagined breaking that red bulb. So easy... So simple... And like beached landwhales turning to oreo cookie dough IceCream from uncontrollable shame, many have been banned trying. I learned here that there can be no true despair without hope. So, as I terrorize /fit/, I will feed its people broscience to poison their souls. I will let them believe they can get fit in weeks so that you can watch them clamoring over each other to "avoid eating after 10:00pm." You can watch me torture an entire board and when you have truly understood the depth of your rustlin, we will fulfill Mark's al Ripptoe's destiny... We will destroy /fit/ and then, when it is done and /fit/ is ashes, then you have my permission to curl.
>We take /fit/ from the corrupt! The aesthetic! The oppressors of generations who have kept you down with myths of nattyness, and we give it back to you... the people. /fit/ is yours. None shall interfere. Do as you please. Start by storming McDonald's, and freeing the oppressed! Step forward those who would serve. For an army will be raised. The aesthetic will be ripped from their decadent nests, and cast out into the cold world that we know and endure. Courts will be convened. Gains will be enjoyed. Blood will be shed. The mods will survive, as they learn to serve true justice. This great board... it will endure. /fit/ will survive!
You think the squat rack is your ally? You merely adopted the squat rack, Iwas born into it! Moulded by it... I was a man before I saw the plates. By the time I saw the plates, they were ntohing to me but LIGHTWEIGHT BABY. The plates betray you because they belong to me!
Wanna know how I got these quads? The gym owner was....a power lifter. Used to take creatine. And one night he squats way more than usual. I grab the barbell to defend myself. Gotta match 500 pounds. Five. Hundred. Pounds. So, him watching, I squat down with the weight, straining as I do it. I turn to him and say... "u mirin?" I squat down to the floor "I seriously hope you guys don't do this!" And..... hey, u mirin?
Remember when you left /fit/? Before all this, before SS? You were gone seven years. Seven years I waited, hoping that you wouldn't come back. Every year, I took a holiday. I went to Venice Beach, there's this gym, on the beach. Every fine workout, I'd sit there and order a protein shake. I had this fantasy, that I would look across the tables and I'd see you there, with a 6/10, maybe a solid 7. You wouldn't say anything to me, nor me to you. But we'd both know that you'd made it, that you were happy. I never wanted you to come back to /fit/. I always knew there was nothing here for you, except gains and tragedy. And I wanted something more for you than that. I still do.
>>14112636 I do. I love accents and voices. As a native spanish speaker, getting a decent english PRAWNUNCIATIOWN without some bulshit lisp took some work. Then learning accents was fun. I can confidently do Russian, Indian, Asian, Western, Redneck, and now I'm working on Bane. Hard as fuck. It comes out too british.
>Alfred: I'll get this to Mr. Scooby, but no more. I've stretched you up, I've massaged your DOMS, but I won't see you snap. I've buried enough members of the Wayne family due to snapped backs. Bruce Wayne: You'll leave me? >Alfred: You see only one end to your journey. Leaving is all I have to make you understand, you're not Squatman anymore. You have to find another way. You used to talk about finishing a life beyond that awful rack. Bruce Wayne: Rachel got fat believing that we would be together; that was my life beyond the cape. I can't just move on. She got fat, she got fat accepting. >Alfred: What if she had? What if, before she died, she wrote a letter saying she chose to love her body the way it was over you? And what if, to spare your pain, I burnt that letter? Bruce Wayne: How dare you use Rachel to try to stop me? >Alfred: I am using the truth, Master Wayne. Maybe it's time we all stop trying to outsmart the truth and let it have its day. I'm sorry. Bruce Wayne: You're sorry? You expect to destroy my routine and then think we're going to shake hands? >Alfred: No... no, I know what this means. Bruce Wayne: What does it mean? >Alfred: It means your hatred... and it also means losing someone that I have cared for since I first heard his grunts echo through this gym. But it might also mean saving your back. And that is more important. Bruce Wayne: Goodbye, Alfred.
Bruce Wayne: I do fear cardio. I fear wasting away on the treadmill in here while my gains burn. Blind Prisoner: Then deadlift 4 plate Bruce Wayne: How? Blind Prisoner: As the child did. Without the belt. Then gains will find you again.
Lucius Fox: Bean counters didn't think a athlete's 1RM was more than 300 lbs. So what's your interest in it, Mr. Wheyne? Broce Wheyne: I wanna borrow it. For, uh, curling. Lucius Fox: Curling? Broce Wheyne: Yeah, you know, in the squat rack. Lucius Fox: You expecting to run into much gains in these exercises?
You look nervous. Is it the quads? You wanna know how I got them? See, I had a wife, beautiful like you, who tells me I'm Auschwitz Mode, who tells me I need to lift mode, who lifts and gets in deep with SS. One day, she ends up T-Rex mode. We have no roids for upper body gains, she can't take it. I just want to see her smile again, I want her to know I don't care about her oversized quads. So, I put a loaded barbell on my back, and do pic related to myself, and you know what? She can't stand the sight of me, SHE LEAVES ME! Now, I see the heavy side of things. Now, I'm ALWAYS squatting.
>Blind Prisoner: You do not lift for girls. You think this makes you strong. It makes you weak. Bruce Wayne: Why? Blind Prisoner: How can you squat more than possible, curl longer than possible without the most powerful impulse of the spirit: the need to impress girls? >Bruce Wayne: I do lift for girls. I fear dying in here, while my gains burn, and there's no one there to mire.
>John Blake: Not a lot of people know what it feels like to be cubby, in your big-bones. I mean, they understand, foster parents, everybody understands, for awhile. Then they want the chubby little kid to do something he knows he can't do: lose weight. So after awhile they stop understanding. They send the chubby kid to a weight room. I figured it out too late. You gotta learn to hide the fatness, practice wearing a shirt in the pool. It's like putting on a mask.
>Lucius Fox: It requires a high-frequency squat routine for building strength and records your progress. >Bruce Wayne: Strong legs. Just like a... >Lucius Fox: [interrupting before he can say "body builder"] Like a *T-Rex*, Mr. Wayne. Like a T-Rex.
Selina Kyle: There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits, you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could coocoon mode so long, and not lose your social skills Bruce Wayne: >tfw no gf Selina Kyle: What? Bruce Wayne: pls respond
Lucius Fox: It emits a high-frequency pulse for mapping an environment and records a response time. Bruce Wayne: Sonar. Just like a... Lucius Fox: [interrupting before he can say "bat"] Like a *submarine*, Mr. Wayne. Like a submarine.
>Batman: Beautiful, isn't it? >Lucius Fox: Beautiful... unethical... dangerous. You've turned every skinny fat in Gotham into an olympic lifter. >Batman: And a high-cardio crossfit athlete. >Lucius Fox: You took my lifting concept and applied it to every person in the city. With half the city doing shitty deadlfits, you can snap all of Gotham's back. This is *wrong*. >Batman: I've gotta find the hamplanets, Lucius. >Lucius Fox: At what cost?
>Alfred Pennyworth: Well, because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren't lifting for anything logical, like girls. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world mirin'.
CIA Agent: [to three prisoners] My CIA branch accomodates me, my men, Dr Ripptoe, but only one of you! First one to talk stays on this plane! [grabs a hood] Dr. Ripptoe: Who paid you to grab Dr. Ripptoe? [No answer, the agent fires his gun away from the prisoner's head] CIA Agent: He didn't fly so good! [pulls the hood back into the plane] CIA Agent: Who wants to try next? [grabs another prisoner] CIA Agent: Tell me about Bane! Why does he shrug so much? A lot of loyalty, for a hired trainer! Bane: Or perhaps he's wondering why someone would do cardio, before leg day? CIA Agent: At least you can talk. Who are you? Bane: It doesn't matter who we are, what maters is our bench max. [the Agent removes the hood] Bane: No one cared who I was until I took off the fat. CIA Agent: If I pull that off, would you succumb to DOMs? Bane: It would be extremely painful. CIA Agent: You're a thick. Solid. Tight, Guy! Bane: For you. CIA Agent: Was getting caught part of your plan? Bane: Of course... Dr. Ripptoe refused our offer in favor of yours, we had to find out what routine he gave you. Dr. Ripptoe: Nothing! I said nothing! CIA Agent: Well, congratulations! You got yourself caught! Now what's the next step in your master plan? Bane: Crashing this plane... with no survivors!
James Gordon Jr.: Why's he doing skate board squats, Dad? Lt. James Gordon: Because we have to mock him. James Gordon Jr.: He didn't curl in the squat rack. >Lt. James Gordon: Because he's the hero this gym deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll mock him. Because he can take it. Because he's not our trainer. He's a silent bro, a watchful spotter. A Scooby.
Oh, you. You just couldn't let me go, could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable lift meets an immovable weight. You truly are incorruptible, aren't you? You won't use roids out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won't be lifted, because you're just too weak. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.
Alfred Pennyworth: Know your limits, Master Wayne. Bruce Wayne: My squat has no limits. Alfred Pennyworth: Well, you do, sir. Bruce Wayne: Well, can't afford to know 'em. Alfred Pennyworth: And what happens on the day that you find out? Bruce Wayne: Well, we all know how much you love to say "ONE WAY TICKET TO SNAP CITY LOLLOLOLO." Alfred Pennyworth: On that day, Master Wayne, even I won't want to. Probably.
>Ducard: You're stronger than your father. >Bruce Wayne: You didn't know my father. >Ducard: But I know the roids that drives you. That impossible cycle strangling the nattyness, until the memory of your former body is just poison in your veins. And one day you catch yourself wishing the person you were had never existed, so you'd be spared your pain. I wasn't always here in the gym. Once I had a bro, my great love. He was taken from me. Like you, I was forced to learn that there are those without gains that must be fought without hesitation, without pity. Your roids gives you great power, but if you let it, it will destroy you, as it almost did me. >Bruce Wayne: What stopped it? >Ducard: Scooby. >Bruce Wayne: That's no help to me. >Ducard: Why, Bruce? Why could you not avenge Zyzz?
>Batman: We will. We can bring fitness back. >Gordon: And what about escalation? >Batman: Escalation? >Gordon: We start lifting weights, they do "functional strength". We start doing pull ups … they do kips. >Batman: And? >Gordon: And you're doing squats... and deadlifts. Now, take this new guy. Rounded back, knees past toes. Got a taste for the theatrical. Like you. Leaves a calling card. [hands Batman a link containing a video ; Batman clicks it over to that it is a crossfit workout] >Batman: I'll look into it. [walks to edge of roof] >Gordon: I never said t-thanks y-you too. >Batman: [turns around to look at Gordon] And you'll never have to. [spreads his cape and leaps off the roof]
Oh, you think cold water is your ally. You merely adopted the cold. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn’t feel the warmth until I was already a man. By then, it was nothing to me but scalding! The showers betray you because they belong to me.
>>14122951 >anybody who thought the ending was mind fuck is stupid Someone thinks that? It wasn't mind fuck, but I wasn't sure which way it'd go until almost the end. Also: >thread archived >thread still alive >/fit/'s had some good/helpful threads lately I am proud. Also:
>Will you be wanting the EZ bar, sir? >In the middle of squat rack, Alfred? Not very subtle. >The trap bar, then. Much more subtle.
>anybody who thought the ending was mind fuck is stupid
I don't think it was a mindfuck, but I believe it was the perfect ending to the trilogy. Bruce's psyche has healed to the point of no longer needing to be the Batman, and he can face the world as a new man.
The Chechen: What you do with all your money? Weights? Oatz? Roidz? The Joker: See, I'm a man of simple tastes. I enjoy Pull ups , and Squats, and... Push ups! [he pours gasoline on the mountain of cash] The Chechen: [panicked] What the...? The Joker: Ah-ta-ta-ta-ta. And you know the thing they have in common? They're cheap.
Bruce Wheyne: Nattys aren't complicated, Alfred. Just have to figure out what he's after. Alfred: With respect Master Wheyne, perhaps this is a man that *you* don't fully understand, either. A long time ago, I was on /fit/. My friends and I were working for the Mods. They were trying to buy the loyalty of Zyzz fans by bribing them with roids and creatine. But their caravans were being raided on the way to the gym by a bandit. So, we went looking for the roids. But in six months, we never met anybody who traded with him. One day, I saw a child playing with a can of creatine, big enough to feed a horse. The bandit had been throwing them away. Bruce Wheyne: So why steal them? Alfred: Well, because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like gf. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the roids burn.
>Joker: Listing, I know why you wanted to have your little, ahem, "group Zumba" sessions in the stretching area. I know why you're afraid to curl in the squat rack: the Squatman. You see, Squatman has shown Planet Fitness your true colors, unfortunately. Starting Strength? It's just the beginning. And as for, uh, the mod's little plan - The Squatman has no jurisdiction. He'll find him, and he'll make him lift. I know lifters when I see them and... >The Chechen: What do you propose? >Joker: It's simple. We, uh, kill the Squatman
The Joker: [Batman makes The Joker do reverse pullups with dumbbells attached to his feet while doing hand stand on a treadmill.] Never start with the same excercise, the muscles don't get all cofused. He can't make gains... >[Batman makes the joker walk. The Joker trips and trips and trips and falls.] The Joker: See?
>Batman: Where is Arnie? The Joker: You have all these rules and you think they'll make you natty. Lt. James Gordon: [Batman slams the Joker against a wall] He's in control. >Batman: I have one rule. The Joker: Oh, then that's the rule you'll have to break to know the truth. >Batman: Which is? The Joker: The only sensible way to live in this world is without Whey. [mimicking Batman's voice] The Joker: And tonight you're gonna break your one rule! >Batman: I'm considering it. The Joker: Oh, there's only minutes left, so you're gonna have to play my little game if you want to save one of them. >Batman: [softly, fearful] Them? The Joker: You know for a while there, I thought you really were Arnie. The way you threw yourself after Scooby!