ITT: stories about people derping with food. I'll start.>Working at restaurant>guy walks in for breakfast buffet>points at french toast>"What's that?">"That is french toast, sir">What's the difference between that and normal toast>mfw I have to explain what french toast is
Outside of trendy foods/white culture, french toast isn't that much of a household term for city kids. "French" doesn't really explain shit, they have no reason to have to figure it out themselves.here's my contribution:>travelling with gf>at train station, go to catch quick cheap snack>bananas>she asks me for a knife, refuses to eat it straight>fine, here's a cutting thing>also refuses to eat the ends>mfw
>>3704566The dude was like 34, I find it hard to believe a 30-something year old in Canada hasn't heard of french toast. If he was like 14 I wouldn't have thought anything of it, lol.
>>3704551So what the fuck is french toast then?
I did something incredibly retarded 2 days ago when making burgers:>heat up pan>put oil in it>literally throw the patty in the pan>oil all over armsI had to sleep with ice-bags covering both of my arms. Or well. I could sleep for like 5 minutes at a time before waking up in pain. now my arms are full of blisters.
>what's argulula [sic]?>what's mandarian [sic] (pronounced man-DARE-ian)?>Is it the bacon that makes it New England clam chowder?>I'll take it medium rare, just a little bit pink in the middle>this isn't a vodka collins (she proceeded to make me make the damn thing over and over with no specific instructions until I finally figured out that she wanted an ounce of vodka, ~4oz of sweet+sour mix, and a splash of orange juice. This one still puzzles me)>thinking Duvel is pronounced "doo-VELLE">thinking Lambic is pronounced "lom-BEEK">well done filet mignon (still have no idea why people insist on eating the most expensive, smallest steak that will taste the worst cooked how they want it)>can I get some more sauce for my risotto?>there's spider eggs in my creme brulee>aren't you supposed to shake a martini?it doesn't take long in this industry to amass quite a few stories
>>3704691Lol, pwnt. I got a similar story:>be 16>first time making bacon. [spoiler] rhyming w00t. [/spoiler]>put oil until pan is half full>thatshoulddo.jpeg>let pan heat up>taking forever, fuck it, crank to highest setting>leave for 10 minutes>come back>hot oil, hot oil everywhere>paper towel near stove catches fire, falls into puddle of hot oil>oh my sweet fuck>fill bucket with water, throw as hot oil fueled flames>oil and fires spreads more>why>why>why>call 911>fire fighters show up an contain fire before kitchen gets owned> mfw nothing damaged, no one injured
>>3704691I've got a couple stories from an old cooking instructor of mine, but thankfully none myself, and the first one is relevant to this.>Be closing>Him and another line cook were chilling, just turned everything off, including deep fryers>His buddy leans up against the counter, slips in grease (this was before they'd wiped everything down)>Arm lands in deep fryer>looks like a pork rind all the way up to the elbow
>>3704729>nothing damagedhad me going until that
>fryin a fried turkey in the turkey frier>clearly brilliant friend goes to retrieve said turkey>with a tablespoon>predictability ensues>call 911, get to use the phrase "fully submersed in hot oil to the wrist"
>>3704732Next story>Pitting an avacado>Uses method of hlding in hand, slamming knife into pit, twisting it out>He applies way too much force wtih a freshly sharpened knife, slices through the pit, through the rest of the avacado, into his hand>I want to call BS on this one but knowing how stupid my instructor could be sometimes...
>>3704738same brilliant friend, but at work this time>leaves pan of melted butter practically right over a burner on the range>burners all being used for sautees, whole area is hot as all fuckchrist>reaches for butter brush to butter a burger roll or something>I know nothing of this until he walks out to the bar to calmly tell me he needs medical attention... to remove the plastic brush he has melted around his first two fingers
>>3704719>>thinking Duvel is pronounced "doo-VELLE"how do you pronounce it?
>Attempt to cook bacon>die
>>3704742family friend of mine heads the local culinary school, and had a story almost exactly like that>teaching how to pit avocados>starts them off with a spoon>one kid thinks he's on top chef, grabs a chef's knife>clearly wasn't paying TOO close of attention to top chef>uses the point instead of the blade>glances off the pit, goes all the way through his handwhatthefuckdidyouexpect.jpeg
>>3704742Last one>Working at snooty french place>like, the kind of snooty french where they'll sell shit caviar to the people they think a) don't deserve it or b) won't know the difference (first timers)>They keep each kind of caviar in two separate minifridges inside the kitchen>Closing time, my instructor goes in for a snack>Predictability ensues when he goes for the cheap as shit caviar and grabs the expensive shit instead>hfw he eats $1,100+ worth of caviar in one sitting
>>3704751"DOO-full"it's not a big deal, just a pet peeve of mine when people try to over-fancify things by making them sound more French, especially when lambic and Duvel are dutch (well, Flemish, but you get the point)
>>3704759Maybe it's just, like, an instructor thing. Teaching people to be fucking careful when doing that shit.Either way, it fucking works.
>>3704762What's the name of it? I want to go in in poorly matched clothes and a southern accent and act like I know nothing about food the whole meal, then order caviar and call them out when they bring me the cheap stuff
>>3704771God, I wish I could remember, cause that sounds fun as hell.
>>3704763huh, never knew that about duvel. I will make sure to ask for it correctly.
I had some family in from out of town and we went out to eat at this mexican place that serves piñon nuts to snack on before your meal arrives. >everyone digging in and enjoying>see my braindead aunt eyeballing them>she grabs a handful>CRUNCH CRUNCH CRUNCH out of nowhere>"these are pretty good, anon."She just threw a bunch into her mouth and started mowing down.. Ate the shells and all.
>>3704779Meh. Like I said, it's just a pet peeve because I hear it so often, but I'm no snob. I did want to smack this one guy once who was sitting at the bar and when I said Duvel the correct way he "corrected" me in a really pretentious overblown french accent, complete with a snobby douchebag headroll
anyone know of a reputable place to get pappy van winkle bourbon online? can't find it anywhere locally and its marked up WAY too high on eBay...
This girl I work with says she cant lose weight no matter what. I go to lunch with her sometimes>The only italian food she likes is alfredo and pizza>she doesn't eat anything with lettuce, so never a salad>but she loves ranch dressing>always gets extra sour cream and cheese>drinks a whole pint of chocolate milk>she has the body of chrischan
>>3704799I mean, as long as they're not hurting her teeth I guess... When I was a kid I used to get lazy and just eat sunflower seeds without bothering to spit the shells
>>3704818ugh sounds like one server where I work. She's the only waitress I wouldn't fuck (I'm not picky), and she's just like that, except add>doesn't use deodorant so she smells worse than our one alcoholic, might-shower-might-not cook>ridiculously self-conscious, insecure, desperate for attention>completely retarded>thinks any male who is marginally nice to her wants a piecefuckfuckfuck I hate that bitch. I mean, she's nice and all and honestly I feel bad for her but holy fuck I can't take the crazy
>>3704733Counter top was marble, only thing near the stove was paper towel, frying pan was stainless steel, but I don't know how the fuck the element didn't get completely owned. O.o
>>3704831>>3704818Do what this guy did to them>>>3704732
>>3704763If an american reads that it's still not right. It sounds like "Doefol" ...But I guess depending on the province pronounciation might differ, some people seem to say "Doevel" while others(me) really pronounce the "u" like in "uwe".To pronounce correctly for an american would be:"du" as in "dubious""vel" as in "vulgar"
>>3704844so like shovel. but "dew" instead of "sho"
I laughed really hard at the guy complaining about how people pronounce "Duvel". For the record, no American will ever be able to pronounce any given Dutch/Flemish/German/French/whatever product correctly. And you don't need to. There's no shame in that. But please don't get snobbish and try to teach people how to pronounce that shit "correctly", it will fail in 99% of the cases.
>>3704854Yeah, good example>>3704863Yes they can(with some practive sometimes), just not everything like the "ch/g"-sound because they don't use itI'm not saying they should though.
>>3704863uhh dickhead, that's why I never said that I correct people, and I didn't claim it was 100% correct, it just irks me a little (read: not enough to care or say anything) when people unnecessarily francify non-french words just to make them sound fancier. Also, my french isn't great but if I concentrate I damn well can pronounce most french words almost perfectly. And I never said I was American, thanks for assuming though, you pretentious cock.
I used to work at two different pizza places. They were both good, tasty joints. Anyway, we used real milk cheese. Most chains use soy, because it's cheaper and cuz lactose. Well, when you cook cheese, it browns. This is an ALIEN FUCKING CONCEPT to many customers, who would call and complain about their pizza being overcooked. Sometimes they'd be obnoxious, "I don't meant to tell you how to do your job but..." Sometimes they'd be frustrating, demanding that their pizza be delivered without "burnt" cheese, which would have necessitated removing the pizza halfway through the oven and adding the cheese. But every time they refused to listen to reason: that cooked food browns.
>>3704986which would have necessitated removing the pizza halfway through the oven and adding the cheese.I should add that we never fucking did this. We just skimped on their cheese and toppings and cooked it for less time so that it would brown less without leaving raw dough. Idiots.
Oh Lawd my flatmate last year was an absolute nub.>Making pasta>"OK anon, it's boiled for 14 minutes, what do I do now?">"Drain it. Use that colander.">Turn around>Hear screaming>"MY FEET! MY FEET!">She hadn't put the colander over the sink
>>3704863> There's no shame in thatEurofags are the ones who get uppity about how big fat american fatties cannot pronounce foreign word because they are so goddamn fat. Never understood that. I have found myself in quite a few uncomfortable situations while euros make me repetitively fail at mimmicking their particular drawl.My response is to go out of my way to mispronounce key words to sound like assorted unsavory words, much to my personal amusement and gratification.
>>3704986the fuck is wrong with them the browned cheese is the best part
>High school upper level cooking class, it's expected that everyone has common sense and basic knowledge when cooking.>Deep frying some egg rolls in a pot.>During clean up, one of the girls decided it was the greatest fucking idea to add water to hot oil to cool it down.>MFW oil splatters all over the dumb bitch.
> Head cook has a 50lb bag of cabbage> "Oh man no idea what I'm going to do with these"> Orders "Cole Slaw Mix" Which is a bag of shredded cabbage and another smaller bag of shredded carrots> why are you buying shredded carrots and cabbage when we have cabbage and carrots we can shred ourselves?> "FUCK".... I quickly left that place
>>3705004Now that is fucking amazing.
>>3705016She was absolutely amazing. Like a day after I met her she knocked on my door asking how to make soup. When I opened up she was stood there with a tin of Campbell's.
>>3705034incredible. do you have any more stories about her?
>>3705063There were two other pasta incidents: I told her that you can eat a piece to test how done it is. She just stuck her hand in the boiling water and picked one out. It didn't seem to hurt her though, she just wondered why we all went silent and stared at her.The other time I told her she could check if spaghetti was done by trowing it at the wall, making sure she knew it was one piece at a time. I noticed a few days later that there were loads of tinned spaghetti hoops on the wall.
>>3705008internet highfiveI get my giggles by using works i know will irk ppl
>>3705034>>3705076Marry this scalded crazy person. Do it now.
>>3704719>thinking Lambic is pronounced "lom-BEEK"it actually is. even Flemish people pronounce it that way.
>>3704762Why is this ancient gif suddenly circulating more?
>>3705076haha of fuck this is gold.
>>3705076>>3705034>>3705004We had a pretty crazy flat. There was this one guy (I'll call him Anthony) who ended up burning our flat down.>Be hanging out in kitchen>Anthony walks in>Spends about 30 seconds looking in fear at more than 3 people in the same room as him>"Hi Anthony, how's it going?">"Good">He walks over to his cupboard, gets out a potato>Carry on chatting>Look over at Anthony>He's just holding his potato looking terrified>Another flatmate makes small talk with him "baked potatoes are the perfect student food" blah blah blah>He turns the oven on and puts it in.>Conversation has lulled>Everyone tries not to stare at Anthony standing in the corner watching us>No more than a minute later he takes the potato out the oven>Sits down and tries to cut into it>The same flatmate from before says "isn't that a bit hard? I usually just microwave mine">He doesn't reply>We're all silent, just watching in awe as this madman tries to eat a raw potato>He looks like he's gonna cry as he has his first munch>Quietest voice I have ever heard>"I think I will microwave it actually">He puts it in the microwave>We're still all slightly in shock>He gets it out about 10 seconds later>Sticks his knife in>It won't go in>He puts the meal in the bin, plate and all>Walks out the kitchen>MFW I don't know whether to piss myself in hysterics or give him a hug and a cooked potato>MFW I have no face
>aunt has to make ten gallons of tea for a party>boils 20 teabags in one pot of water>pours tea in ten gallon container and adds 9.5 gallons of water>tea was the worst tea ever
>>3705113>>MFW I don't know whether to piss myself in hysterics or give him a hug and a cooked potatoFirst the former (behind his back obviously), then the latter. Social anxiety is a bitch.
>>3705113That is amazing.
>>3705120I did do both, he ended up committing arson though so there's only so much sorry I can feel.
>>3705151Here I thought the fire would be the result of another sitcom-style panic attack or kitchen blunder.
>>3705156nope.avi. We're not entirely sure of the entire story, but he smashed the top off a deodorant and set fire to it in our kitchen. The window got blown out and it was all terribly exciting. He got reported as a "high risk missing person" the day after and we had a week of the police and various mental health professionals searching our flat and questioning us all. He got found on a "shoplifting spree" and told the police that he was going out with the girl who pours boiling water on her feet. He works at McDonald's now.
>>3705163Also, this happened on my birthday.
>>3705163Fuck me, that sounds exactly like Andy (his real name). Wouldn't enter the kitchen if there was more than one person. Saw him try to cook a pancake on the highest heat then proceed to eat the black, circular object with a miserable look on his face. Got kicked out of student halls after trying to burn the building down twice by leaving all four grills, ovens and sixteen hobs on. Twice. Still somehow studying law though.
>>3705151Oh come on, anon. You can't just tell us that and NOT give us the rest of the story. Why did Anthony burn down your house?
>>3705175I also forgot to add that like your Anthony, little Andy was partial to a bit of thieving. Came back with a girl's handbag containing £200 one night, and another time with someone's pair of glasses. Two iPods and lots of food went missing from our flat: that stopped when he was booted out. Despite this he was incredibly shy, softly spoken and unthreatening in every manner. Sounds like Andy and Anthony would get on like a house on fire!
>>3705183 See >>3705163As far as motive goes I'm thoroughly confused. I'd had a bit of a party and he actually came out and was the happiest I'd seen him all year. He'd had like three cans so I don't think he was drunk, and even then he'd still need some kind of motive. Guess he was just a highly strung guy with loads of problems and I'll never properly understand.>>3705175His real name wasn't Andy, although I did live with him after he'd left his first uni. He claimed to have left the first one cos he didn't like the course, but he was studying History with a Geography minor there, and Geography with a History minor when I knew him.Another /ck/ related story of Anthony>All of flat hanging out in kitchen>Flatmate making a sammich>Puts cheese back in fridge>Turns around>Anthony eating her sammich>"Are you eating my sammich?">Anthony chews>Swallows>"I didn't know it was yours">Puts down sammich>Open the door>Walk out the door>None of us know each other enough to laugh>Now it's a funny anecdote
>>3705193We think Anthony was a bit weird like that too. It was never anything valuable though. He'd eat our food and use our shampoos, but that's not terribly odd for uni flats. The weirder things were like him popping out our flatmate's contraceptive pills, moving sponges from the shower into people's wardrobes and drawing a tiny loveheart in the corner of my flatmate's door. It actually sounds like Andy and Anthony were extremely similar people; is Andy still studying law?
>>3705194>"Are you eating my sammich?">Anthony chews>Swallows>"I didn't know it was yours">Puts down sammich>Open the door>Walk out the doorDat shit ain't right.
Went to a deli/shop near a local college once. I overheard this girl telling her friend about the miracle of gluten free beer. She made it seem like gluten was some kind of new ingredient that evil corporations added to beer to make us sick. I had to hold back laughter.
>>3705201He is still studying law but I'm no longer in touch with him. Very surprised he wasn't booted out - must have received one hell of a letter from a psychiatrist to pull that off. I saw him a while back but avoided talking to him: raising the subject of him trying to burn us alive in our sleep was a no go and I wouldn't know what elsr to say! He was picked on a fair bit in the flat - at first I stuck up for him but I eventually gave up as I suspected him of thieving and a deliberate arson attempt. I don't suppose it helped that he started university at 17 (relatively normal in Scotland) and was very immature even for that age. He too did odd, disruptive little acts like moving things and acting infatuated and needy with certain flatmates despite not being gay. Given the similarities all this probably is symptomatic of some mental illness: which one, I don't know.
>>3705219I suspected something like dissociative identity disorder: the reason I called him Anthony was because he once signed a letter to us "Anthony" (which obviously isn't his real name). Obviously this story's been told to plenty of people and all the psychology freshers thought they could diagnose him instantly, hardly any of them actually agreed :P.We were quite annoyed that the uni didn't tell us he was unhinged. We were all nice and sensitive but if we were big jocky rugby kids then things might have ended significantly worse, considering we think he came into our rooms while we slept.
>roommate making mashed potatos>added a ton of salt>"it makes the water boil faster">taste it>totally inedible
>work driving a taxi in big city>drunk hails me down>before getting in asks>do you have room in here for a pizza and a sixpack?>I say sure>drunk throws up in cab
>Open the door>Walk out the doorI was actually surprised that the next line wasn't "everybody walk the dinosaur". What has 4chan done to me?>>3705276I like the cut of that guy's jib. I probably wouldn't have found it funny in your place, though.
>> Smoke a whole prime rib >> Orders all night asking for well done>> Only cooked it to Medium rare >> Losing a part of my soul every time I need to cut a juicy piece of prime rib and toss it in the oven till it's brown throughout.>> Also made lamb shank>> Customer adding ketchup
>Work as waiter in restaurant>Serving customer his dinner>Customer asks me why I have my thumb on his steak>Tell him I didn't want to drop it on the floor again
>be yesterday>just woke up>be breakfast>make steak, eggs, and potatos>ketchup all over everything
>Having breakfast in hotel restaurant >Taste coffee and it is awful>Tell waiter, this coffee tastes like mud>Waiter says>I am not at all surprised Sir, it was ground this morning
>>3705319You made me crack a smile.
>be scotsman>with my englishman and irishman bros>trapped on desert island>nigger cannibald capture us>give us trial>"go find ten of the same fruit faggots">i come back with ten blueberries>shove all of them up my arse>winrar>irishman comes back with ten apples>shoves nine up his arse then bursts out laughing>mfw englishman has pineapples>mfw I have no face
>Working drive thru>Lady orders wings>"What flavor would you like?">"I'll take the uhh ... garlic par-MEE-zin." (garlic parmesan)>Make her repeat it again, pretend like I didn't hear it the first time>Everyone wearing a headset has a healthy chortle
>Go into Seafood restaurant>Ask Server if they serve crabs>Server says>We serve anybody, find a seatfucking service people!
>new waiter>hand him a tart (plated)>"is this the risotto?">our faces
>>3705334>hand him a tartIf you were British, this would be funny on a whole 'nother level
>>3705296>> Customer adding ketchup
>Go to restaurant>Order cream of tomato soup>Soup arrives>I call back to waiter that there's a fly in my soup>"Well don't shout about it anon otherwise everyone will want one!">Tip only 10%
>>3705368>to well done steak
>>3705395That's pretty horrible too, but ketchup on prime rib is the real atrocity here.
some of these are hystericalarchive this shit now!
>>3705335>whole 'notherget out
>>3704763Slowpoke, I know, but this guy is wrong (ever so slightly) on one thing. I have always known both Lambic and Duvel to be from Belgium, and I did a little internet searching and was proven correct. Much of the confusion comes from the fact that Belgium has both flemish (dutch, exactly like he said) and french native speakers in it, with slightly more flemish than french. Many people say Duvel and Lambic with a french air because they believe all Belgians are french, for one reason or another. It is kind of funny to hear someone try to pronounce Hoegaarden in a french accent once they learn it's from Belgium.He is, however, 100% accurate in the pronouncing Duvel. For Duvel, it is Doovel. For a link, http://www.forvo.com/word/duvel/.Lambic is pronounced Lombeek, or lambick, depending on who you talk to. Beer snobs will generally say lombeek, but when I lived in Germany and went to Belgium they said Lambick. Dutch/Belgian people are famous for not really giving a shit. I have no idea, pick one.I don't give a shit how you pronounce it, but you might.
>>3705439even though im not a cockney arseholethis is how its pronounced.
>>3704738This works fine as long as you dump a party bag of ice into the fryer first, to cool the oil down.
>make meatloaf for first time>things looking good>OH GOD WHATS HAPPENING TO IT>congealed grease all over the topI think i will stick to hamburgers
>>3705264Adding salt to water is useless for making it boil at a higher temperature, only pressurizing it works.the formula for boiling point elevation of water isChange in BP = molality of the solution (moles of solute dissolved in kg of solvant) * 0.512 degrees celsius So to raise the temperature of 4L of water by just 1 degree C you'd have to add roughly 450 grams of salt
People that think cooking on a grill automatically = I'm BBQing!
>>3705113>>3705112>>3705079>>3705076>>3705063>>3705034>>3705016>>3705004Are you some samefagging reddit cocksucker or are the posters of /ck/ all teenaged children all of a sudden?This entire thread reeks of one faggot chiming in with "lol epix win story bro"
>>3704818>Lettuce>HealthyIts nothing. The darker varieties are better for you but acting like eating a salad that markets it with lettuce as something healthy is retarded. Lettuce is most mostly water with low amount of vitamin content even more so in types like iceberg which are the most common in "lettuce" salads. It's filler and gets the notion of being healthy from people believing low to no calories means healthy somehow.
>>3706106On charcoal they slightly are but you are correct grilling is not the same as BBQ but its not a big enough deal to care about. It just happen mostly because of companies selling BBQ sauce for when you grill out so people started associating grilling and BBQ as the same thing since the product they put on their grilled products was called BBQ sauce.
>>3705550Don't use a meat loaf pan use aluminum foil and set it up so that grease doesn't pool at the bottom of the meat. Also round the top more so the pool of grease on top will run off.
>friend tells me he eats ALL asian food with chop sticks because it makes it seem more authentic>including rice with chop sticks>mfw he does this when we are overseas in malaysia seriously, even our friend whose house we were staying in overseas was eating some meals with a fork and spoon. my friend was just being completely ignorant and somewhat racist to assume that all asian cultures eat every meal with chop sticks
>>3706139I was under the impression that some areas eat rice with chop sticks and some use spoons, and that it depends on tradition and rice variety.
>>3705194>All of flat hanging out in kitchen>Flatmate making a sammich>Puts cheese back in fridge>Turns around>Anthony eating her sammich>"Are you eating my sammich?">Anthony chews>Swallows>"I didn't know it was yours">Puts down sammich>Open the door>Get on the floor>Everyone walk the dinosaurfify
>>3706175That was his point. His friends thought all Asians eat rice with chopstick.
>>3706139>How dare someone not know things about other cultures in a similar region.Calling it racist is pretty much just as much ignorance on your part as is his ignorance about proper eating utensils for the moment. Also Malaysians use chopsticks but its generally for noodles not rice. Also most places in Malaysia will have a thing in the middle with both spoons and chopsticks. Both of you are wrong but calling him racist because of his lack of knowledge about something most of the people in the world outside of Asia could not tell you as well is just dumb.
>>3706139My family's asian and they eat their rice with chopsticks. I dont know how the fuck they do it though, I just use a spoon.
>>3705296I don't understand.
>>3705296>shitty fag who can't cook meat properly buttmad that people have to resort to drowning it in condiments to make it palatable
>>3704816reminds me that I still have half a bottle...
>work in produce >a teenager, maybe 14 or 15 comes up to me>takes out grocery list and asks what a cantaloupe is>he's dead fucking seriouswhat the hell
>>3706139He get's it from animes. The Japanese do eat almost all their food with chopsticks, including rice.
Oh god sometimes I am really, really bad with food I don't know.>go out with friends to eat sushi>pick something with a big shrimp on top>it still got its tail and legs and everything>no idea what to do>eat it as a whole>crunch crunch crunch>everyone's looking weirded outI still don't know how to eat them, fuck.
>>3706404You did it right, man. If that was how the roll was presented to you then that's how you are supposed to eat it. There's no sushi that's meant to be disassembled. Well, that I know of anyway.
Hi /ck/, I was drinking some coffee this morning and I started wondering about how people decide what a good coffee is; specifically, how do they judge and give awards to certain batches? I understand how it works with, say, beer, but beer is basically identical as long as it's in the same batch. Do the people who make the coffee somehow replicate an almost identical cup for each judge? If so, how?Also, when they rate the coffee, are the judges putting milk and sugar and such into the coffee? Do they drink it black? Do they just chew the grounds? I'm genuinely interested, and I figured you guys would know best.
>>3706285that doesn't really sound that strange. I didn't know what a cantaloupe was till i was around 20.it's not a very common fruit around here.
>>3706412Yes? And what about those shrimp that come separate? Do you eat them as a whole, too, or do you break off the tail or something. I don't know.
>>3706421I don't really judge either, but they should work the same either way. You just drink enough that you get used to the general flavor (and yes, you drink it black, espresso usually), and once you do that you can notice a whole variety of other more subtle flavors. Again, I'm no connoisseur, but even I can tell if a coffee is fresh or not, and that some have richer flavors than another.
>Go to steak house>order T-bone steak>try and try to cut it>fucker will not cut>call waiter over to table>me: I want a new steak>waiter: I( can't do that , sir.>Why not?>Waiter: Because you bent it
>We sell a Lemon Panna Cotta in my restaurant.>New member of Staff takes dessert order.>Calls it Lemon Pancetta in front of customers.>Had to explain what Pancetta is to new member of staff.
>work at restaurant>take drink orders for table of four>get 2 drink orders wrong>table complains>manager fires me that night after punching out>fucking stupid public>move back in with my Mother>live in basement>little sister comes downstairs to watch T.V.>cooking show on>Rachel Ray rubbing spices on piece of meat>Look at little sister>Ask if she would like to do that>She says sure>Get on the floor>Everybody walk the dinosaur
>>3706285they're called rockmelonw where I live
>>3706285A lot of people know them as musk melon around here. They have a number of names.
>>3704763that's quite possibly even worse than pronouncing it 'doo*-velle' , you moron'doovelle' is how french belgians and french people in general would pronounce duvel , so in a way it's correct.It would be difficult to find corresponding sounds in english to pronounce duvel like the flemish doclosest would be ... the french way of saying 'du' (as in duc, duvet) and prolonging the vowel and then vel with a schwa e (as in taken)
one time my sister ate an apple
>decide to fry pork chops>realize that I have actually never fried a pork chop>start cookan, so far so good, start making misc side dishes>all is going wonderfully>OH GOD FIRE ALARM WHY IS THE FIRE ALARM HAPPENING WHAT>Fire alarm is part of automated security system, it starts screaming at me as I struggle to turn it off>FIRE FIRE DEACTIVATE IN 10 SECONDS OR FIRE DEPARTMENT WILL BE DISPATCH OMG FIRE FIRE>did not deactivate in 10 seconds>firemens show up, apparently the grease was too hot, and the fire alarm is super touchy>feel bad that they had to come in for no reason in their cute lil fireman outfits>make them to-go platesI have so many stories about me derping in the kitchen, if you're interested.
>>3707073You sound like a gigantic faggot
>>3707073That was nice of you
>>3707073You're not cookin'http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N4OPr_QxoFg
>>3704719>argululalol my sidesI'm sure u mean arugula
I did this ONCE, needless to say my life has taken a turn.
>>3707630jesus christ...Might I ask how your hospital visit went?
>Hotel breakfast buffet.>Shit tier food.>Grab muffin.>Muffin is moldy.>Shrug, throw away.>Kenyan points and admonishes me in moon language for throwing food away.
>Work produce at a grocery store>Biggest store in the county, have to deal with shitheads every day.>One day, while putting out the corn, a woman approaches me.>"Sir, I need help with the grapes.">Ask her what exactly she needs help with.>"I need to know what white grapes are. I see the red grapes, the black grapes, and the green grapes, but no white grapes. What are they?">mfw I have to explain to this bitch that white grapes aren't actually white, but rather green.
>>3707664You don't know what moon language is lol @ fail racistnewfaggot. /b/ stay there.
>>3705113>>3705163I also live in student accommodation, have social anxiety and work at McDonalds.fuck.
>>3707667>Responding with a sexual epithet to protest someone using a racial epithet.Good God, you are in every thread.You have no idea what kind of an autistic robot you sound like. Or maybe you do and that's how 'i troll u! lol'
>>3707666well, it's a misnomer you fucking pretentious hipster foodie bitch>mfw i'm too above this "earth" and "life" nonsense
>>3707673Moonspeak has nothing to do with Kenyans. People who recently began browsing this website, and often misuse terminology are commonly referred to as newfags. That term has no connection to homosexuality.
>>3707675The fuck are you talking about, kid?Yes, it is a misnomer. That much is true. But there's obviously no such thing as a fucking white grape. A grown woman should be able to understand that if three types of grapes are clearly labeled red, black and white, then the color that more closely resembles white (HINT, it's fucking green) should be the white grape.
>>3707679>>3707679Well obviously when he poured the ice water in the flaming oil he either lit his house or himself on fire.
>>3705550Cook it on a cookie sheet next time. Just form it into a loaf. That way the grease will run off.
>>3705386That's a Fawlty Towers reference, you uncultured fuck.
>busy toiling away at the 5:30 rush of hungry drunks.>morbidly obese bartender Lisa appears in doorway offering to help.No thanks, I got it.>completely ignores me, looks at orders, and starts throwing shit I JUST FUCKIG COOKED in the deep fryer.Jesus Christ what are you doing.>oh.. i didn't.. sorry.., followed by a little smirk>resume cutting peppers or some shit>bitch starts fucking with my burgers now.Goddammit, go do your job Lisa, get out of my kitchen!>oh sorry! (heehee)>proceeds to take the wrong tittyfucking order out to a guy who orders the same shitdicking thing every day. I am going to kill this bitch.And of course our boss is nowhere to be found. Not so much of a derp story if she's a succubus hambeast who fucks with me every day, I guess.
>>3707705She wants your cock.
>>3707659poorly, to say the least. I spent more time there than I wanted to. I was prescribed a LOT of painkillers, about 300x 7.5mg percocet. It could have been worse, we lost our house, the insurance somehow covered it. My arms are fine today except the marks.
>>3707707Careful, she might try to eat it
>>3705113holy fuck anon, this happened to me on campus at college>korean exchange student lives in the dorms with us>keeps to herself, stays in her room when shes not at class>me and friend having a couple of beers on a friday evening, its holidays and not many people are around so korea girl has been venturing out of her den a lot more>we sit in silence and she comes out of her room with a sweet potato, turns the grill on, and sticks it under, and then shuffles back to her room>45 seconds to a minute pass before she shuffles back and collects her potato>puzzled looks flash across our faces and we nearly die laughing, tears streaming down our faceswhat the fuck, what was she doing? it wouldnt even have been warm. every once in a while she made some kind of fish stew and it was really pungent but seemed like it would taste fucking awesome...she'll probably went back to korea with stories about how australians drink like fucking retards, do drugs and are loud, dumb and promiscuous. so i guess she had the last laugh.
>>3707716That wierd bitch eats sweet potatoes raw. You got the last laugh.
>>3707097Yeah I do
>>3707716Perhaps she decided that she did not want it anymore?
>>3707765possible.... but wasnt the vibe we got, if you know what i mean.
>>3707671I've met plenty of people like you, only one of them has burnt my house down though. I recommend not doing so if you ever get the urge.
>>3707716That might be how they eat it over there. I lived with a Vietnamese girl for a while who'd make blood soup, or burn sugar into a saucepan, pour a load of lard in, then just eat that.
Looking down on someone, no matter their age for a lack of knowledge in what French toast, isn't very nice.
One time I accidentally a cucumber.
I was helping out with catering for some relative's party when this shit happened>some guy comes to me and tells me he wants a beer, then grabs a full glass that stands in front of him without letting me respond>I tell him it's a mixed beer someone else ordered>he takes two sips then puts it away and says he hates mixed beer and I have to make him a new one. Also had to pour away the rest of the mixed beer and make a new one for the other person.>as I'm drawing him a new beer he turns around and speaks with someone then turn back and takes the finished beer>he sips again and says that I made him a mixed beer again and pours it out>HE THEN FUCKING REPEATED THE SAME THING>after having poured out 3 beer already out of which 2 were as he wanted I tell him to watch me draw his next one>he watches me, drinks it and says in the most cocky tone "took you long enough">mfw through this whole situationI nearly beat that fucker (was only helping out voluntary anyhow).To make me even happier some older guy came to me later on and explained to me over half an hour how I have to draw to beer, because he did that like 10 times before and thought he was greatest fucking beer drawer ever.
>>3707792>blood soupYou mean, raw, coagulated blood with chopped animal innards? That's fucking delicious. Did you at least try some?>burn sugar into a saucepan, pour a load of lard in, then just eat that.Either you made this up, or the girl was a full retard. No one in Vietnam eats anything like that, man.
>surrender toast>freedom toast>ethical toast>wears onions and rides a bike toastetc
>mom is normally a good cook>except when she's drunk>she tries to make chili (from scratch)>she put baking soda into an almost-complete chili (all it needed was some simmering)>to check for "doneness", she puts her face mere inches away from the pot>she comments that it's too hot so she starts blowing away at the steam with her breath>she starts spitting in the chili>she eventually sobers up>she denies this ever happened
>be Scottish>student halls>Indian flatmate>cunt is 30 years old and bald>me and other flatmates know basics of cooking (dont put X in the over, Y isnt safe in microwave etc)>Indian fellow puts ready meal in the oven, plastic tray and all>cant wait to see how this fucking abomination turns out>plastic melts/burns into some kind of catastrophic twisted foetal abortion being (with caremalized mousakka still withtained)>mfw when he eats it>mfw there is no face to describe this specimin of human fuckuperyUsed to do shit like this all the fucking time. The fucker ate 4 ready meals a day, I swear he was radioactive.
>>3705452Late, flemish guy here, never heard anyone pronounce it other than with an u like in uber, and the vel is pronounced like fell. düvel? I'm bad at sounds. Don't know how the walloons pronounce it, but the word is dutch in origin (from duivel=devil).We indeed don't give a shit, but we'll laugh at funny accents like any person. Also, duvel isn't even the best belgian beer (by far), yet it's one of the only ones I ever see mentioned here :(
>>3708877That's just his way of building up a resistance to plastic poisoning.
>cooked popcorn on the stovetop using peanut oilI really don't know what was wrong with me that day. I also ended up setting off the fire alarm. I should probably stop trying to cook anything at 12 am.
Cue the Aziz Ansari bit about 50 Cent not knowing what a grapefruit was.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=waCF81HdKAAWHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THOSE ORANGES?!
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